Her index finger moved in a slow motion from her nose to her doctor's index finger.
It looked almost a replica of that famous scene in the movie E.T.
About a year ago, Ma couldn't walk overnight. Ma has a very high threshold for pain. The pain must have been unimaginable for her to shed tears.
Ma suffered from leg and shoulder pain for some years before this incident. Sometimes, she would complain of weakness in her legs too. Though this was mentioned frequently to her doctors at her reviews, they generally put it down to degeneration due to old age and did not go further other than prescribing painkillers.
We sent Ma to Mount Alvernia Hospital after deliberating between private and public hospital. Our first option was to the public hospital as we were worried about the medical expenses, but no one in the family had the heart to put Ma through the wait and queue. We did our sums quickly and did what we thought was the best for her.
The lumbar spine has five vertebrae which are abbreviated as L1 through L5. After Ma's MRI, we were advised (in layman terms) that Ma's nerves were compressed at L4 and L5, therefore the severe pain.
Within a week, Ma was admitted and operated on. We were lucky to have found Dr Tan Siah Heng, James. Dr Tan performed a laminectomy for Ma successfully. Thankfully, Ma did not need screws to stabilise her spine.
It's very difficult to sugarcoat Ma's recovery process, especially with her Parkinson's Disease. C'est la vie.
Tearing was easy during the over-a-month intensive caring period, especially with Ma slipping into mild depression post surgery. Crying was a norm in the house.
Things had gotten so tiring that my tear ducts were triggered constantly. TV dialogues, newspapers articles, old photographs, elderly tissue-sellers, babies. Even fighting scenes.
Being the only one who worked from home, I shared the caring duties with sis. She woke up early to change Ma's diapers, prepared her for the day and put her to bed when she was back from work. I took on the day shift; looking after her medication feeds, preparing her meals, helping her with her toilet visits, naps and shower.
Like what people always say, "You won't understand."
Seriously, no one would because it was a journey that needs one's presence.
Inevitably, my work soon suffered. Having to keep a constant ear-out for Ma, I became very highly strung. I could hardly focus on my work during the day. I could only re-look at my work when she slept. That led to a 5-hour sleep daily, which eventually took its toll on my work and body.
Moral support was important but it was also frivolous at the same time. The act of being there and helping was more important than anything else.
Things had gotten so tiring that my tear ducts were triggered constantly. TV dialogues, newspapers articles, old photographs, elderly tissue-sellers, babies. Even fighting scenes.
Being the only one who worked from home, I shared the caring duties with sis. She woke up early to change Ma's diapers, prepared her for the day and put her to bed when she was back from work. I took on the day shift; looking after her medication feeds, preparing her meals, helping her with her toilet visits, naps and shower.
Seriously, no one would because it was a journey that needs one's presence.
Inevitably, my work soon suffered. Having to keep a constant ear-out for Ma, I became very highly strung. I could hardly focus on my work during the day. I could only re-look at my work when she slept. That led to a 5-hour sleep daily, which eventually took its toll on my work and body.
Moral support was important but it was also frivolous at the same time. The act of being there and helping was more important than anything else.
Halfway, I needed something to look forward to, something to soothe my highly-active-but-unsettled mind. I happened to see a lotus anklet charm on Etsy and ordered it to be delivered via normal post from the States.
It would take approximately two weeks for the anklet to be delivered. By the time the anklet reaches my hand, the caring-journey would almost be completed.
With a deadline in sight, my state of mind improved slightly.
As Father Time promises, everything heals with time. Ma's much better now. While her Parkinson's-body didn't take the episode well and she's not as agile as before, she has regained a lot of stability after a series of physiotherapy.
With a reduction in her mobility, she needs to be accompanied most of the time and watching TV was probably the only activity she could do on her own. Having spent most of her life supporting and caring for the maternal family before she was married, and taking care of her own family after she was married, she's never had the chance to cultivate any hobbies or develop friendships.
Ma's a very strong-willed woman. While she frustrates us sometimes with her antics of self-deluded independence, it can be sad to watch her losing her independence and freedom, to a certain extent.
So, what are the lessons learned?
I walked away with the understanding that the ability to be grateful is not an innate trait of humans. We always want more, and are seldom content with what we already have.
For our generation and the generations to come, life is hardly going to be as tough as our parents' generation or the generations before that. We want more and more of material quality; better accommodation, better cars, latest smart devices, further and more exotic holiday destinations, the best school for the kids, the softest cotton on our backs, and the most luxurious leather for our soles. So, we chase after a life that's beyond us, and, in the progress, making our souls suffer.
A good work-life balance is very important. Be the best employee, but set aside time for the deserving people; people who walk and would walk your life with you. A job has an end to it, but a heart continues to ache long after a loved one is six-feet underground.
A relationship does not grow organically, it needs nurturing. Like plants, it would simply wither away when left alone. Do your due diligence, and it promises its loyalty. Keep friends who are always there for you close.
Cultivate hobbies. When agility and mobility leave you, you would be thankful that they are there to fill your days. You deserve more than just watching TV programmes or thumbing the games on the smart devices. More so, the person lying next to you.
Illnesses cannot be foretold and, unfortunately, avoided totally. Take care of your health for the sake of your loved ones, you would not want your loved ones to suffer.
Don't wait to do what you're supposed to do. Father Time promises healing with time, but he doesn't wait too. When the moment is gone, it's gone.
Ma's fortunate. She has a husband, three children and three grandkids to walk the rocky path with her. For childless couples, be kind to yourself and your partner. Be well physically and mentally, so that there are more happy years ahead.
Ma's a very strong-willed woman. While she frustrates us sometimes with her antics of self-deluded independence, it can be sad to watch her losing her independence and freedom, to a certain extent.
So, what are the lessons learned?
I walked away with the understanding that the ability to be grateful is not an innate trait of humans. We always want more, and are seldom content with what we already have.
A good work-life balance is very important. Be the best employee, but set aside time for the deserving people; people who walk and would walk your life with you. A job has an end to it, but a heart continues to ache long after a loved one is six-feet underground.
A relationship does not grow organically, it needs nurturing. Like plants, it would simply wither away when left alone. Do your due diligence, and it promises its loyalty. Keep friends who are always there for you close.
Cultivate hobbies. When agility and mobility leave you, you would be thankful that they are there to fill your days. You deserve more than just watching TV programmes or thumbing the games on the smart devices. More so, the person lying next to you.
Illnesses cannot be foretold and, unfortunately, avoided totally. Take care of your health for the sake of your loved ones, you would not want your loved ones to suffer.
Don't wait to do what you're supposed to do. Father Time promises healing with time, but he doesn't wait too. When the moment is gone, it's gone.
Ma's fortunate. She has a husband, three children and three grandkids to walk the rocky path with her. For childless couples, be kind to yourself and your partner. Be well physically and mentally, so that there are more happy years ahead.
Hello... I saw your post on your mum's surgery. May I know how is her recovery process? We are also planning to look for Dr James Tan. May I also know how old is ur mum?
ReplyDeleteHi, Jacqueline. My mum's surgery went well, and she's quite pain free as of now. She's 75 years old, and for her age, the family expected her recovery to be slow. The physiotherapy helped a lot. Dr James Tan is a good doctor, I hope you are able to find the help you need from him.
ReplyDeleteHi Rain, thanks your reply. My mum is having the same problem as your mum... Her L4 & 5 are being compressed. I must say for a 75 year old, she is very strong and brave. After your reply, I am so looking forward to see Dr James in a weeks time and hoping that my mum's quality of life can be improved.
ReplyDeleteHi Jacqueline, best of luck and hope your mum gets well soon!
ReplyDeleteHi Rain, my mum has met Dr James and scheduled for surgery in Sep. Unfortunately, she has to put screws and rods to stabilize her spine. Is there anything to look out for when looking after her? And is your mum more mobile now after the surgery?
ReplyDeleteHi Jacqueline, sorry for the late reply.
ReplyDeleteWe were told to ensure as little falls as possible. Perhaps depending on your mum's constitution, you might need to help with her daily activities like getting up from bed, moving around the house, showering her and helping her to wear her clothes etc. Our mum needed diapers during the night.
My mum has Parkinson's Disease, so she needed a lot of help. A family member was always with her during her recovery period. In my mum's case, physiotherapy helped tremendously. She still continues to do some simple physio exercises at home daily.
Yes, she's a lot more mobile now :)
She took about 4, 5 months to start showering on her own by sitting on a small stool. Now, there's always someone around when she showers, but she can manage on her own.
My mum has been using walking aid before this op, and she's still continues to use the walking aid after the op. It might be good to check with the physiotherapist for advice on what to note after the op.
I think it's equally important to prepare her not just physically but also mentally; the will to get better, which is the case for my mum. Also, the family really need to be there for each other and her during her recovery period. When the mind is rightly set, things will fall in place.
All the best and hope your mum gets better!