If I have a child...

There's a common question that follows after a wedding:

"When's the baby coming?"

People ask with concern, but, often, they know the answer. 

I am not a baby person. By that, I mean, I do not hate baby, or children for that matter. The love part may or may not come, depending on situation.

It may be surprising, but there are people who really cannot stand the sight of babies, no matter how cute they are. I used to love all babies and children till my mid-twenties. Somehow, another part of my gene took over, and I am sitting on top of the fence ever since. 

So, I am not a baby-hater, but I adore my nieces and nephews. They are family and fall into a different category. Friends' children mostly fall into this category too. I seldom go woo-ah over babies on street. I would still smile at them; it's not nice to be rude. 

Hubs can be considered a baby person, when compared with me. I find this put us into a pretty balanced state of mind somehow. So, if we have a baby, one would be estatically happy and the other calm. The baby wouldn't be suffocated with the endless hugs. 

We are still childless. We did try, but no, we are still childless. 

It's common that when a couple is childless, the first piece of advice would always go to the wife. Yes? No?

"Try this. It will help warm your womb." 

"It must be the green tea that you drink every morning. It's too cooling." 

"Prob your tube is blocked, see a doctor."

"You shouldn't take cold drinks during the time of the month. It's bad for trying." 

It's amazing how the fingers are seldom directed at the men in the quest for child. 

People, woman can't simply get pregnant by herself! There's always a father, regardless willingly, or not. 

We are lucky. My parents in-laws are pretty cool with our status quo. They are the "IN" in-laws like what I always tell people. I couldn't have ask for more. 

Would I like to have a child? Yes, there's no doubt. 

It's very exciting to think that we could mould the little mind into what I wish people nowadays are, especially the polite part, less eye-time on the smart device part, see rather than look, listen rather than hear. Perhaps the ability to play a musical instrument too so that s/he can have a channel to express a lot in little words (and so that there's less time on the smart device again. I have little faith that smart phone or tablet can help in fostering relationship)? I know I would teach my child how to trade, especially if it's a she. 

At the end of the day, it's just nice to have a little being and a warm sack to hold onto. A nice-smelling sack to love, no matter how many shitty diapers we need to change, and the endless heartaches that s/he would inflict upon us growing up. Of course, we could also be asking for trouble. But no one knows for sure. I didn't turn out too badly, neither did hubs. So I think the little "us" should be fine? 

Is there a terrible ache in the heart for that little-us? A little, but it's not going to kill us. 

A Chinese saying has somehow put it nicely and brings some comfort, i.e. for us: Children are karma from one's previous life. They are either here to pay back a debt or collect one. 

So, try hard but don't be too hard on yourself, especially the wife, or allow others be hard on you, if the little-you just decide not to come. As long as we try, the best we couldthere's no regret in our post-working-factory age, it could be better to let the karma unroll itself.

Five Days Left

Twenty minutes into “Five Days Left”, I dissolved into tears.

There's no mystery or thrill. This book tells the story of two persons' journey to their intended final destination. 

Five Days Left is a story about Mara and Scott, two cyber friends who knew each other only by their nicknames. Their common thread was a parenting forum.

Mara had Huntington disease. Not long after she was diagnosed, and knew how the disease would bring her down, she started planning her departure. A departure by choice and on her own terms. She did not want to burden her husband and neither did she want to embarrass her young adopted daughter when the disease was in the advance stage. She was now five days away from her birthday.

Scott had all the right “ingredients” of the perfect father, except he was yet a father. He was a teacher by profession, and a saviour by heart. He volunteered to foster the younger brother of a student once his, when their mother was locked away for drugs. His wife was pregnant with their first child and they were three months away from welcoming their firstborn. The wife sympathised with Scott when Little Man, as Scott had called him, was scheduled to return to his mother after her release. But she was also insistent on forming a family of their own blood lineage.

Five Days Left is a great book for people, especially females, who want to curl up in the bed over a long weekend with a reason to be emotional, however though you might be happy with your life! 

Hover over the bold, italicised title for a sample read of Five Days Left.

Julie Lawson Timmer , a lawyer by profession, is a first-time author. Perhaps it is no coincidence that Mara is a lawyer by profession. Timmer reminded me of Jodi Picoult, but just a tad less heavy.

Her second book, Untethered, is coming out in June 2016.

Looking forward to another good read!

Both books are available on Amazon and Book Depository:

• Five Days Left: Amazon & Book Depository
• Untethered: Amazon & Book Depository

Remember to take the shipping costs into consideration!

Enjoy!

This is Singapore

I saw a heartful sight when I hopped onto the bus for home from Changi Airport. 

An elderly auntie boarded the bus with me and took the seat in front of me. At the Terminal 2, an Indian family boarded the bus. The mother took the seat closer to the front door, with her son, and the father took the seat behind me with an infant. 

At the next stop, the father decided to take the inner empty seat nearer to the back door. As he moved in, the bus moved. He almost dropped the baby, but luckily the lady and the elderly auntie gave him a hand. All's fine, and he sat. I saw the mother turned around and gave the dad a smile. 

Well, the air-conditioning was comfortable, and the weather was nice, so I fell asleep. When I woke, I saw the mother had moved to the seat next to the father. I saw her son sitting behind them.  I fell asleep again. 

The next time, I woke up, I saw the son was asleep. In the arms of the elderly auntie. 

This is Singapore. 

Mayday

I am never much of a car fan. The first vehicle that I ever thought of owning was a Renualt Kangoo, a van that I could drive around comfortably with Jackie. 

I never did get around to buying one. Too much of a liability, and I have no excuse. Singapore has excellent public transport. 

Hence Singapore F1 Night Race did not really trigger much of my interest, but I am very proud of Singapore. 

That was until W got Walkabout tickets, wohoo! And Mayday was performing!

Truthfully, I am not exactly a 100% true blue Mayday fan, but I like their songs. I like bands in general. Like Wu Bai (伍佰) and China Blues. Yes, I know some would probably categorise them into the auntie, uncle category, but hey they are good! I used to like Beyond, Gun N' Roses and Red Hot Chilli Peppers, but that was really ages ago when I stayed up late in the night to watch the MTV. 

So yes, I like bands. 

I like bands because it is not solo effort, and especially when it centres around creativity. Having a couple of creative creatures coming together is hell of a tough task.

SO for the first time in many years, I left home at 930pm; in Singapore that is. Malaysia is a different story though it is not that frequent too. Well, I am getting older after all. 

Once I met W, things were FUN! 

I never knew the night race was organised in a fun-fair style. It was more than just hanging around the grand stand trying to catch a glimpse of the racing cars. I tried taking photos of the cars, but no luck, they were too fast, and I was too uninterested. 

The Padang where the concert was held was cool! Plenty of people sitting on the grass, chilling and relaxing with beers, food, and nothing. 

I wanted to squeeze right up to the front of the stage, but as what W said, we were no match to the true blue Mayday fans. 

I never take W as a concert goer; as in doing everything that the performer asks. Man, I was totally wrong! She is one fellow that I am keeping in the list for concerts! She was SO MUCH FUN!!!

I had a great time during the two hours! W was jumping, singing, shouting, waving, everything that I thought that she would not be doing, haha! It was great to have someone shout/sing with, somehow the stress that I was carrying the last couple of days before the concert kind of evaporated too :)

Mayday belted out numbers but they interacted too. I like performers who interact and not sing throughout the concert in their own world. Hmm... a CD would serve pretty much the same purpose in the comfort on my bed. True? No? 

There was this part when Mayday told everyone to activate the handphone's torchlight. It was beautiful from the giant screen, and I am sure it looked lovely from the stage. Well, Mayday said so :)

The concert and Mayday reminded me of my love for the language; Chinese in this instance. Nowadays, mostly due to work, English dominates as my choice of language. But I continue to use Mandarin in most of my social settings, except for a couple of friends whom I used English as the primary language. 

Somehow it saddens me ever so slightly when I see Chinese parents using English as their main mode of language with their kid(s). I am not judging. Every family has their reasons and rights to use whichever language they prefer. I just thought if we are Chinese, it would be good to keep the mother tongue going. It would be great if the kids can speak the parents' dialect too. 

During my time, when technology was so minimal in our life, we learnt Chinese by memorising and writing out the characters again and again. It was that simple and straight forward. Chinese was always the easiest subject. Our parents spoke to us in Chinese and dialect. I only started to speak actively in English from primary three. Believe it or not, and I do not think it was a deliberate choice made by the school, the entire school had Chinese students only, except for an Indian boy who spoke Chinese too. It was only when the school moved and became a government primary school that the race mixture was a lot more balance. I think my siblings and friends did not fare too badly in our mother tongue or English. We speak and write okay English? I think so. 

How did we get to today when Chinese become such a difficult language? Especially with the advancement in technology.

By the time, the concert ended, it was way past the usual public transport service time. But hey, it's Singapore - the trains and buses' services had been extended to cater for the event, and I was home in a jiff - 40 min!

From Our Porch

Watching the guppies in the mini-water garden has became a habit.

Once in the morning, once in the afternoon, once just before dinner and the last time before bed. Sort of like tucking them in, haha!

My favourite is the morning slot. When the light is good, and the sun still gentle. 

One morning, as I squatted and fed the guppies, I saw a tiny brown speck that was moving. 

It was a water snail. 

It had been a while since I saw one. I like the colour and lighting, so I hooked on the macro lens to the iphone for a closer shoot. 

Halfway, amazingly, the water snail made an impressive effort to float towards the nearest fish feed and attached itself onto it, and started nibbling away!

I had to bring the iphone just about a centimetre from the snail to get the below shoots. All the while, I kept reminding myself to hold on tight to the phone or it could end up being a permanent fixture in the water tank...

We have our doubts about allowing the snail to stay in the water garden. 

It is an interesting addition to just the fishes. And it does help with the algae. So instead of hauling it out now, we are keeping our eyes close. 

For now; that is.