Be Prepared

It was heart aching watching Ma carried out the instructions of her doctor during her Parkinson's Disease review. 

Her index finger moved in a slow motion from her nose to her doctor's index finger. 

It looked almost a replica of that famous scene in the movie E.T.

About a year ago, Ma couldn't walk overnight. Ma has a very high threshold for pain. The pain must have been unimaginable for her to shed tears.

Ma suffered from leg and shoulder pain for some years before this incident. Sometimes, she would complain of weakness in her legs too. Though this was mentioned frequently to her doctors at her reviews, they generally put it down to degeneration due to old age and did not go further other than prescribing painkillers. 

We sent Ma to Mount Alvernia Hospital after deliberating between private and public hospital. Our first option was to the public hospital as we were worried about the medical expenses, but no one in the family had the heart to put Ma through the wait and queue. We did our sums quickly and did what we thought was the best for her. 

The lumbar spine has five vertebrae which are abbreviated as L1 through L5. After Ma's MRI, we were advised (in layman terms) that Ma's nerves were compressed at L4 and L5, therefore the severe pain. 

Within a week, Ma was admitted and operated on. We were lucky to have found Dr Tan Siah Heng, James. Dr Tan performed a laminectomy for Ma successfully. Thankfully, Ma did not need screws to stabilise her spine. 

Dr Tan has a lot of empathy for our situation as a middle-income family. We could not have asked for a better doctor. It’s not easy to find a doctor who treats patients with dignity. 

A lot of people feel the sick needs pitying. But, no, what is needed is compassion, not pitying. Pitying takes away one's dignity, but compassion allows one to feel for the sick with the dignity that they still deserved.

It's very difficult to sugarcoat Ma's recovery process, especially with her Parkinson's Disease. C'est la vie. 

Tearing was easy during the over-a-month intensive caring period, especially with Ma slipping into mild depression post surgery. Crying was a norm in the house. 

Things had gotten so tiring that my tear ducts were triggered constantly. TV dialogues, newspapers articles, old photographs, elderly tissue-sellers, babies. Even fighting scenes.

Being the only one who worked from home, I shared the caring duties with sis. She woke up early to change Ma's diapers, prepared her for the day and put her to bed when she was back from work. I took on the day shift; looking after her medication feeds, preparing her meals, helping her with her toilet visits, naps and shower. 

Like what people always say, "You won't understand." 

Seriously, no one would because it was a journey that needs one's presence. 

Inevitably, my work soon suffered. Having to keep a constant ear-out for Ma, I became very highly strung. I could hardly focus on my work during the day. I could only re-look at my work when she slept. That led to a 5-hour sleep daily, which eventually took its toll on my work and body.

Moral support was important but it was also frivolous at the same time. The act of being there and helping was more important than anything else. 

Halfway, I needed something to look forward to, something to soothe my highly-active-but-unsettled mind. I happened to see a lotus anklet charm on Etsy and ordered it to be delivered via normal post from the States.

It would take approximately two weeks for the anklet to be delivered. By the time the anklet reaches my hand, the caring-journey would almost be completed.

With a deadline in sight, my state of mind improved slightly.

As Father Time promises, everything heals with time. Ma's much better now. While her Parkinson's-body didn't take the episode well and she's not as agile as before, she has regained a lot of stability after a series of physiotherapy. 

We are thankful she's no longer in tears when she tries to get up from the bed. We are thankful that she is able to move around the house with a walking aid and go for short walks with a company. 

With a reduction in her mobility, she needs to be accompanied most of the time and watching TV was probably the only activity she could do on her own. Having spent most of her life supporting and caring for the maternal family before she was married, and taking care of her own family after she was married, she's never had the chance to cultivate any hobbies or develop friendships.

Ma's a very strong-willed woman. While she frustrates us sometimes with her antics of self-deluded independence, it can be sad to watch her losing her independence and freedom, to a certain extent.  

So, what are the lessons learned? 

I walked away with the understanding that the ability to be grateful is not an innate trait of humans. We always want more, and are seldom content with what we already have. 

For our generation and the generations to come, life is hardly going to be as tough as our parents' generation or the generations before that. We want more and more of material quality; better accommodation, better cars, latest smart devices, further and more exotic holiday destinations, the best school for the kids, the softest cotton on our backs, and the most luxurious leather for our soles. So, we chase after a life that's beyond us, and, in the progress, making our souls suffer. 

A good work-life balance is very important. Be the best employee, but set aside time for the deserving people; people who walk and would walk your life with you. A job has an end to it, but a heart continues to ache long after a loved one is six-feet underground.

A relationship does not grow organically, it needs nurturing. Like plants, it would simply wither away when left alone. Do your due diligence, and it promises its loyalty. Keep friends who are always there for you close. 

Cultivate hobbies. When agility and mobility leave you, you would be thankful that they are there to fill your days. You deserve more than just watching TV programmes or thumbing the games on the smart devices. More so, the person lying next to you.  

Illnesses cannot be foretold and, unfortunately, avoided totally. Take care of your health for the sake of your loved ones, you would not want your loved ones to suffer.

Don't wait to do what you're supposed to do. Father Time promises healing with time, but he doesn't wait too. When the moment is gone, it's gone.

Ma's fortunate. She has a husband, three children and three grandkids to walk the rocky path with her. For childless couples, be kind to yourself and your partner. Be well physically and mentally, so that there are more happy years ahead. 

Running and my Life

I love running. It is the only sport that compete my time for yoga. 

I try to run daily as long as the weather allows it. If the stress piles on, the more I run. Even if I reach home at 9pm. 

I like the time to myself during the run. Just the music and myself. As my feet pound on the pavement, the sweat oozes. It works perfect for me. The stress doesn't lift like a fog after the run; it is not that magical. However, I do sleep better and I do think better after the run. This help in managing the stress level. 

Shoes are important, very important. I was silly once; I ran with the same pair of running shoes for slightly over two years. My knees and my heels suffered for that mistake. Never think that your shoes look alright and it is alright. I did some calculation - once I hit between 750km to 850km, I change my shoes. 

Nowadays, I change my shoes about once every year. And I made it an easy date to remember to change my shoes - on my birthday. I also made a change to my running habit. I bought two pairs of running shoes starting last year, and use them on alternative day. This would allow the "sole's sponge" to re inflate in between the runs, and hence the shoes can last longer.  

As long as I can and able to, I would continue to run. I appreciate the calm and sweat that come with it. But whatever it is, remember to run for yourself and enjoy it :)

Pneumothorax ~ Part II

(If this is your first read, I would suggest you go back one post to read Part I first.)

I had the hospital contacted Dr Wu. While I had expected the collapse, acknowledging it was tough. I was fine with the surgery. Scars were the least worry of all; I have no less than 10 scars for all the procedures / surgeries that I went through. I was more worried I would be bed bound, not being able to shower, not being able to bring myself to the toilet, not able to wake up without a searing pain because the movement would disturb the wound where the tube is. These sound like minor stuff, but trust me, by the third day, the world seems to have a grey veil over it. I do not want my life to be disrupted. 

I was lucky this time. Recovery was fast; my lung fully inflated by the time I left the hospital in about a week. 

I had googled a lot about pneumothorax. Besides spontaneous pneumothorax, it could be triggered by hormones. At my first admission, the doctor told me this condition affects mostly the tall and skinny guys. I was short and stocky at 15. I read scary real life cases where one of the two sisters would have a pneumothorax attack almost every month. Options of hormone pills and removal of reproductive system were discussed. This condition is known as catamenial pneumothorax, and coincides with the onset of menstruation. A lot of females are familiar with endometriosis occurring in the uterus. Imagine endometriosis occurring on the lung pleura - known as thoracic or pulmonary endometriosis. Every month, a collapse happens. Wow.

A year after marriage, I went to see a gynae for pre conception check. I shared my condition. She said most pregnancies come with breathlessness, and I needed to know how to differentiate between a pneumothorax attack 's breathlessness and pregnancy's breathlessness. If I was to have an attack during my pregnancy, what were my options? "We will come to that when it happens, give me a call.", she said. I was pretty stunned when I came out from the clinic. Instead of getting comfort and confidence to try for a baby, I was lost. I was alone, ya, that's the thing about long distance marriage. But of course, we had our calls :)

In the end, we decided to leave it to mother nature. If we have a baby, let's celebrate. If conception doesn't happen, we take it that it is a nature's call and a hint that baby plan is best leave to others.

The condition sucks, but there are good things that came out of it, for me. 

I always loved school, but it was total hell when I returned to school after my two attacks at 15. I was totally lost after missing the entire first semester. I was in secondary three, that was the year when we streamed and everything was new. EVERY SINGLE thing, except for the first and second languages. For the first time of life, I had to ask for tuition. It was night after night of studying, and for the first time too - I fell asleep during the tuition. It was then I realised there were selfish people around, people who would not share and teach for the fear that you would do better than them. I promised myself I would never do that to anyone (let's exclude the meanies... I am afterall not a saint). I worked my ass off and in less six months, I managed to turn around all my subjects, except for Physics - which I never learn to appreciate. Not fantastic results, but I think it was good enough for me. 

There are the god-send people that I would always be thankful to. 

Seeing Dad coming in every morning during my teens-year-admission is still vivid in my mind. Mom staying by my beside catching my vomit after the first surgery would always stay with me. The selfless tuition teacher who let me slept through the tuition and continued after I woke. She guided me to 100 marks for my Additional Mathematics. 

I learnt that end of the day, family would always be the first ones to stand by you. I learnt that if you work hard enough with variables that are dependent solely on yourself, impossibles do happen. I learnt that breathing is not to be taken for granted - I feel every breath, not by choice but perhaps psychologically. And I learn not to fritter away money and time meaninglessly. You never know if there is a tomorrow. 

Without pneumothorax, things might have been different for me. There is no better or worse, I would just be different. Savings might be a tad less important to me, I might spend a bit more freely. This is perhaps the part that came out most obvious from this condition. I always have this fear that one day if I need treatment, I need to be assured that I have the funds on standby. The last thing I need during a time of pain and fear, is the worry of money, which by the way does not fall from the sky. We have plenty of precious resources like air and water gifted by the nature, but money is not one of them. Money is definitely not the most important thing in the world, but no one can do without it. This is what got me hooked on the importance of health insurance. 

This post aims to share some knowledge of the condition, and I also hoping to reach out to people who had, or still have pneumothorax so that we can share our experiences and how to handle this condition better. 

And, please remember this, my friends, it is not cool to slap someone on the back as a joke or a "hi". You never know what you might trigger. 

Pneumothorax ~ Part I

Ever been in a situation where you feel like you are breathing through a congested straw? Air comes in small gasps rather than a blessed natural act. 

There is a dull pain in the chest, and you would start to cough; hoping to cough out the unease in the chest so that you can breathe better but realise it does not help? 

This condition is known as pneumothorax. 

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumothorax

A pneumothorax attack occurs when there is an accumulation of air in the space between the lungs and the chest cavity, and this can result in a partial or complete collapse of a lung. The attack can be spontaneous; i.e. without any reason or it can be caused by an impact, like an accident. 

I was diagnosed with spontaneous pneumothorax at 15.

I woke up the next morning after cross country run, breathless and a tightness in my chest. The first doctor that I went to said it was muscle pain. By lunch, dad decided to send me to the hospital. I was hospitalised for three months, came out for a couple of weeks, and went back to hospital for a couple more months. By the time, I was back in school, I had missed semester one completely. 

In between the hospital stay, I had chest tubes inserted to help to evacuate the air so to allow the lung to re-inflate. I had a machine that was attached when the evacuation came to a standstill. Finally a chemical pleurodesis. The doctor's explanation in layman term: chemical, which was talc, was introduced through the chest tube, and to purposefully irritate the surface of the lung and the membrane surrounding the lung so that they can adhere together, hence a collapse is not likely to happen since the vaccumm is gone. But the doctor never alert me of the f&*#ing pain. Otherwise, my parents would never let me be alone when the chemical pleurodesis was carried out. But lucky me, my aunt came by so I was not totally alone :>

My second attack happened when I was 17. I persuaded my dad to let me do the surgical pleurodesis. The chemical pleurodesis did not work, and I could not imagine a life of going in and out of the hospital for the rest of my life. 

All was fine after the surgery. Until I was almost 30. I was told the lower portion of my right lung had collapsed during an employment health check. I was surprised, I felt no breathlessness. In fact, I had been jogging almost daily and had took up yoga for better breathing management. After a second opinion, the collapsed was confirmed. I could either leave it alone since it did not bother me. Or I could go through another surgery to try to re inflate that lower portion of the lung. 

I decided to go with another surgery. And this time, I was lucky to find a good doctor - Dr Wu Dar Ching. Not that those previous doctors who treated me were not good, but being older, and being able to judge circumstances on my own, I wanted a doctor who could answer my queries and walk with me to ensure I have a full recovery. 

It was slightly complicated this time round. Apparently, the collapse of the lower portion had happened a couple of times, and the scars had grown on top of one another. I had a machine attached to help with the re-inflation of the lung after the surgery, but once the machine was taken off, my lung collapsed. I was in the hospital for about two weeks or so, when Dr Wu decided to let me go home with the chest tube still attached to my lung. 

It took about another one month to have the chest tube removed, and about a couple of years for my lung to fully inflate. I continued with my daily activities and jogging etc about two months after the chest tube was removed. 

Just when I thought all was fine, my left lung collapsed. I was 32 at that time. I remembered I was standing at the traffic light, waiting for the light to turn green so that I could get out of the heat and into the air conditioned office, a sharp shot past my back and dulled into a throbbing pain that forced me to cough involuntarily. The breathlessness and pain was so familiar but I was hoping I was wrong. Light turned green, I went to the office, did some paperwork, and went out to meet two clients. I kept the discussions shorter than usual and went back home to rest. I went to bed early that night, wanting to sleep the whole episode away. Next morning came, and the breathlessness stayed. I went to a GP for a check - the usual checking of the lungs through the stethoscope. The GP said my lungs sounded fine; he didn't think I had an attack. Still I asked for a referral letter and made my way to the A&E department. I needed an x-ray to confirm he was right. A full collapse could be life threatening since I would not be able to breathe. I remembered I took a bus to the hospital, and as I walked up the slope to the A&E, I was literally breathless. I could only be this breathless if I had an attack. 

The GP was wrong, I was right. 

Mammotone

Following the scan in Dec, a small lump was picked up in my right breast. Two of my aunties were diagnosed with breast cancer, hence I decided to seek doctor opinion.

I was introduced to Dr. Joy Lee whose clinic is located at Mount Alvernia. She is a Breast and General Surgeon, a very nice lady who is in her forties. She picked up another lump when she did a detail scan at her clinic. The scaredy-cat me decided to have them remove even though Dr. Lee said we could monitor the lumps instead. Dr. Lee said she should be able to remove the lumps through a day surgery known as "Mammotone".

I told Hubs of the day surgery and was hoping fervently that he could be here though I know it was highly impossible. I knew this was not going to be a major operation and I should be able to go and return home on my own; it was just that having hubby next to me would be comforting.

In any case, I started to prepare for the procedure and many of these were done in the event that if I need to be hospitalised. I cut my hair, did a facial to clear out the current pimples and went to the library to get some books for the next few days.

Treasures from NLB

The surgery was done at Mount Alvernia Hospital as I did my last two surgeries there too. I am pretty happy with the service and have no reason to move to another hospital. After the admission procedure was completed, I was brought to the day surgery waiting room. I handed over my valuables and was in the operating gown, sitting and waiting. 

I might sound a bit psychotic but I do always kind of enjoy the process of a surgery. I had three surgeries so far. The operating room theatre nurses were all very nice and motherly, and today I found out that they had this warm blanket (which was not there the last two times) blowing hot air! Having so many people fussing over you was kind of the best out of a not-preferred situation. 

The nurses turned me onto my left side and used something to support me from the back. A nurse was also standing at my right side, supporting me and telling me what was being done. Next, the nurse prepped me by sterilising my right breast, and once Dr. Lee came into the theatre, she did a scan to mark the position of the two lumps. She told me she would try to extract both lumps together so that I would have one scar less. After the marking, I was given a local anesthetic and she did some tests to make sure the area was numbed properly. I continued to lay on my side during the entire surgery.

Whatever that happened next was kind of a blur because I did not have my contact lens on. I saw a long and thick needle, similar to BBQ skewer. But what caught my attention was the sound of this needle / equipment. It sounded so much like an electric chainsaw though it was definitely softer. This needle would be the instrument to cut out the lumps. The nurse supporting my back must have seen my expression because she started to reassure me that it would not be painful. 

Dr. Lee prepped me for each step that she was taking. She told me she would make an incision, and thereafter she would be pushing the needle in for the extraction. I felt a slight push against my breast and slowly the pressure increased. Dr. Lee told me to bear with it but she also commented this surgery was considered a lot more gentle when compared to my pneumothorax day surgeries. Once the needle was in, Dr. Lee started to position and push the needle so that she would be able to position the needle and extract the two lumps together at the same time. She constantly looked at the scanner monitor to check on the positioning of the instrument (needle). 

Once the lumps were located, Dr. Lee started to cut the lumps with the needle. The cutting sounded like, ka-ka-ka. It felt weird, hearing but not feeling anything. The lumps were shown to me; they looked like fatty bacon strips; white and puny. Dr. Lee did a scan to make sure everything was taken out before she sewed me up. 

She told me the mammotone went well and all the lumps were extracted and sent for biopsy. She proceeded to wrap my chest up with pressure bandage. I was given instructions not to wet the bandage and to leave the bandage on for 24 hours. The bandage was pretty tight and it was a little itchy, but then again, I was just grateful to have the lumps out. The procedure took slightly less than an hour, and I was sent back to the day surgery resting room to rest and have something light. 

Hot tea is always so comforting...

Both my brother and sister offered to pick me up after the surgery but a girlfriend had also made arrangement to come. And since she was in the vicinity, I went home with her. 

While I acknowledge life is never a bed of roses, but I always like to think that whatever happens, happens for a reason. If I am to be gone at this instant, I think I am content to go without much of regret.  

Tree Sap Foot Pad

The soles of my feet had been hurting for a while. When I woke in the morning, and landed my feet on the floor, there was this dull pain and I needed to walk it out for a while before it got better. I did stuff like foot reflexology and hot / cold water blood circulation, massages etc, but none could help... that was before I remembered a good friend mentioned once that tree sap foot pad was the miracle cure for a friend's ailing feet. I went to get five sets of it, and put it to test that very night! 

Bought it from Daiso for $2!

Wala! My feet felt so much better the following day! 

The foot pad is supposed to be stuck on the arch of the foot before sleeping. I googgled and there are websites that said it is alright to stick to other sore parts of the body but it is usually more effective if you stick it to the sole of the foot. The tree sap would "suck" the toxin deposited at the sole of the feet and this is supposed to help with the discomfort that you are experiencing. 

I stuck it to my arch for three days and the heels for two days. The discharge from the first day was really dark and slimy; the colour gradually toned down from my second pad onwards. It was a miracle, my feet immediately felt so much better after one night of application! 

There are tones of unknown and unexplained in this world. I have no idea why this foot pad worked for me, but I know it did and that is totally good enough for me since it is not harming my body. It is not like I am injecting morphine into my body to subdue the pain. 

I am feeling good!